This week 15 years ago represented some of the saddest and gladdest moments.
I missed spending Father’s Day with my dad because I was out of control on drugs and alcohol and while I did not know it at the time … at that moment I was powerless to stop. I assumed I was having so much fun that spending the day with my family was not a priority. I never did get another chance to celebrate Father’s Day with my own father. He passed away a few years later from cancer and although we spent many days together – Father’s Day was not one of them.
That same week I stepped into an outpatient program and started a new way of life. The first year I completed my masters in business administration (which I had started a few years before), and then spent the next few years wondering what all the fuss was about. I was fortunate to have a solid support network and was offered a position in a small family business assisting the director. At the time I was scared and confused about my ‘career’ or income generating activity as I now term it. The next 10 years I sampled different organizations putting into practice my business administration skills …. still confused and scared. I ventured into digital marketing and had fun with my working family growing a small business with committed and inspiring entrepreneurs.
I also started part time psychology studies and the aim was to continue until I stopped enjoying the content or started to fail. Neither happened – what did was my husband taking his family back home to his birth land – Belgium. I had completed quite a few years of psychology study but nothing I could use in Belgium and although I sniffed around some organizations; no opportunity arrived and I remained confused and scared. My son’s needs did arrive and I became a full time mommy.
2 years later it was time again to adventure into the working world – we thought some how that finding a job in Antwerp wouldn’t be difficult – it is !! During lock down I came across an online coaching course and proceeded to discover the magic of integral development coaching. The most illuminating discovery has been how well this way layers on to the various 12 Step programs I work. I have specifically sought out clients who are in recovery and together we have journeyed back to ourselves, the very powerful unchanging essential qualities we were all gifted with when we arrived here. This work has been many breaths of fresh air and given me an introduction to a settling I have yearned for. I am on a path cultivating access to internal wisdom and relationships. I love being sharing my presence with other beings and being of service.
I am in the process of reaching out to my beloved niche of human beings who have found recovery from addiction, alcoholism and those beings seeking recovery.
P/S I still get scared and confused only now I mostly accept this as part of my human experience and not that something is wrong with me.